real life princess

disowns:

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when bae sets up a surprise date <3

clown-dick:

for someone who pretends to have no emotions whatsoever im really sensitive

darrynek:

save money by not paying your bills

feeble-lion-turtle:

when someone says ‘toxic’ in chemistry

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sorry:

I used to be a kid who ‘was going places’ but then I joined Tumblr

coolbloqqer:

hot people are so lucky im so pissed

spicegirlsofficial:

people who interrupt me when i speak

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terezi-owns2:

THE LITTLE KID NEXT DOOR JSUT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND YELLED “WHAT IS 27 PLUS 4” AND I YELLED “IT’S 31” AND HE SAID “THANK YOU GOD LADY” IM LAUGIHNG

sparkhy:

you might as well wear a condom on your head if you’re gonna act like a dick 

holysimba:

Hairdresser: do you like it?
Me: yes thank you

*goes home and cries*

lameboob:

augustus waters. augustus fires. augustus earths. augustus airs. the fault in our elements

extrovhert:

sorry im poor i cant afford to pay attention

twitturds:

walk into the club like wait nevermind can we go home

jeanmarcoing:

*looks at pet* fucking furry lmao

updates